A Talking Bird

"Kougou! What's with this quote!?"

"What… The discount is within standards, is there a problem…?"

Kougou Touya. 25 years old. A man in his third year of being a functioning member of the working class, employed at a car dealership.

I was currently submitting the order form I had just drafted with a customer to the manager.

Once taxes and such were included, it came out to ¥4,200,000. A pretty hefty sum.

My manager, however, was furiously losing his temper after glancing at the order form, his face turning bright red.

"The options! There are hardly any options included! What were you thinking, selling a car like this?!"

"Well, the customer said they would purchase mats and a navigation system themselves, so they didn't need them…"

"Fuck that!"

The manager banged on his desk, shot up out of his chair, and grabbed me by the collar.

"Mats, navigation, coating! Plus credit card, insurance, and the inspection package! What you need to sell isn't just the car! A salesman who can't sell any of the options is just a random dumbass!"

"… Well, with all due respect. Since the beginning of this year, I have consistently maintained the number one sales volume in this store. Also, considering the customer's circumstances…"

"Don't you mouth off to me! You useless piece of…! Think of me, having to show the guys upstairs sales like this! Are you trying to embarrass me?!"

… Come on. Cars really should just be bought, not things to actively sell. I'd been having to endure his heavy-handed harassment for a good while now.

I mean like, the era where salesmen had to sell cars is long gone. Nowadays, smartphones almost entirely made expensive navigation systems irrelevant.

Then there's the whole thing with how many customers actually prefer the cheaper rubber mats since they were easier to maintain. Why would they bother with the expensive factory ones dealers sold?

I get that a manager's job was to increase profit margins off of customers… but I couldn't bring myself to sell them things they didn't want.

(I used to feel so accomplished when I first started…)

Ignoring the manager's rant, I recalled my first days as a new hire.

Back then, talking to customers and selling cars gave me a strong sense of accomplishment.

Every time I made a sale, I felt a rush of dopamine.

I felt so proud of myself for being the top salesman in the store, even beating out other manufacturers' sales, which was a nice boost to my self-esteem.

But the more cars I sold, the less time I had to rest. I'd have to run around on my days off to handle the paperwork for trade-ins, or go to the police station to get parking permits.

Moreover, the pay wasn't that great, and I was constantly being harassed. In the end, I'd get yelled at whether I sold a car or not.

Lately I've felt like I was selling cars not for the customers or myself… but more to avoid getting yelled at by the manager.

"Your contribution's worse than what a child could do! A child's more capable than a bastard like you!"

(Even though I'm the top salesman in the store, and I'm in the top sales rankings nationwide every month… it doesn't matter, huh…? In the end, he's just a guy who wants to yell at people to relieve stress…)

Back when I first joined the company, I had some respect for him, but lately I'd been seeing him in a different light, and my motivation for work was fading.

I had my own pride. Well, all salesmen who sold well had pride.

Though not necessarily because of that, I'd finally reached my limit.

"Manager."

"I'm still talking! Listen, when I was a salesman, I always…"

"I quit."

"What!?"

"I will be resigning at the end of this month. Thank you for everything up until now."

You'd normally find a new job before quitting your current one.

But today? I let my emotions get the better of me and finally said it. I quit.

"This isn't the place to be saying that! I could sue you, you know!"

No, that made no sense at all. There were a lot of things that could be said about whether or not this was the place to say that, but what was he going to sue me for?

His yelling continued until 11 PM before I finally left for home.

 

*

 

"Haah. I've had enough of this…"

I parked my car in the parking lot. I was pretty tired after being yelled at all day…

"Well, I did my best up till now. I'll send in my resignation letter by mail, and then I'll have to find a part-time job while I look for a new one."

Saying that, I opened the car door and stepped outside. As I headed towards my apartment on the second floor, I heard a noise.

"… A bird?"

Next to the stairs was a white bird looking dead.

… No, it wasn't dead. It was still breathing. It was in pretty bad shape though.

"… … …"

I wasn't exactly an expert in birds. Honestly, the only birds I could identify were pigeons, crows, and sparrows.

But the feeling I got from the white bird was that it was something very rare.

"Heheh… I wonder if I could sell it for a high price…?"

I'd recently heard that many people who bought rare pets would abandon them partway through.

My room was right here, so I decided to at least give it some first aid.

With that thought in mind, I gently carried the white bird into my room. I gave it some water with a syringe, and while I wasn't sure if it would eat it, I crushed some corn flakes and left it next to the bird.

"It's up to fate now, I guess."

Depending on its condition, I could take it to the vet tomorrow. It was already too late today, and they'd be closed.

Thinking that, I took a bath and went to bed.

 

*

 

"Nn…"

Morning… huh. I picked up my smartphone and checked the time.

"… 10 o'clock!?"

Crap, I'm late…!

… Wait, that's right. I quit yesterday…

"Today's the start of my paid leave, and I only have to do the bare minimum in my handover… that's what I said. Well, whatever."

Right. Even with me waking up so early today, I didn't have to go to work.

Even though I'd had to work the previous two months without a single day off, I didn't have to go to work today. Just thinking about how I didn't have to see the store manager's face at work from today onwards put me on cloud nine…!

"… Wait, that's right. What about the bird from yesterday…?"

I sat up in bed and looked down at the floor.

The bird was already awake and was eating the crushed corn flakes with incredible vigor.

"Ooh, you're eating a lot… I guess you were just too hungry to move yesterday?"

[Hmph, that's true. Food is essential for my stamina recovery. But this isn't very good. It's actually pretty bad. Even livestock eat better than this. Can't you make something a little better?]

"… …"

The bird finished off the previously good amount of corn flakes and moved on to the water in the dish next to it. It dipped its beak in and started drinking.

[Hmph… I seem to have escaped that predicament for now. I'll be staying here for a while, so I'll be counting on you.]

"… …"

[I require three meals a day, plus snacks. Oh, and for lunch, I'll require meat.]

Ah… I see.

Uhh, did that bird do what I think it just did? It just shamelessly demanded meat from the person who saved its life.

Haha. It even sounded stranglely cute with its loli-voice.

"I must still be dreaming… Alright, back to bed for me!"

[This is no dream. Really, for you to be unable to discern dream and reality…]

"… Whaa!? Th-The bird… taaaaaaalked!?"

It's really not a dream!! Wh-What!? The fuuuuuuck!?

Ignoring my shock, the bird climbed onto the bed and turned its adorable eyes toward me.

[Listen well. My name is Kyuirassuom Aervalment Raoul Ga Lovak. I am a hero's guiding hand.]

 

*

 

Somehow or another, I'd picked up quite an odd bird. Kyui briefly shared its story with me.

"So… your power was sealed in your own world… and was banished to this one?"

[That's correct.]

Kyui appeared to be a bird from another world.

Well, at least we could communicate with each other.

While I was puzzled by the whole affair, a talking bird was a pretty compelling reason to believe the story… I guess?

"… Why were you banished?"

Kyui tilted its head and opened its mouth — err, beak — to talk.

[I am able to bestow upon those who contract with me the power befitting a hero.]

"Haah…"

[In the past, I have traveled to many worlds, and by bestowing power upon those who contract with me, I have saved some of those worlds, and failed to save others.]

Wait, which is it this time!?

Kyui seemed to be a person — a bird — from a world called the Heroic Realm.

Beings like Kyui were born in that world and would travel to other worlds. There, they would bestow power upon their contractors, and face many crises.

"Why would you do something like that…?"

[Every time a hero I contract with accomplishes something, something called Hero Points are earned. And Hero Points are essential for the survival of the Heroic Realm.]

In other words, there were benefits for both the contractee and the contractor.

But if that's the case, then wouldn't Kyui be like a guardian deity…?

After all, she was able to bestow power upon people to the point where they were called heroes.

I still hadn't gotten an answer to my first question, so I asked again.

"You said you've saved many worlds in the past. Why were you banished this time?"

[I utterly adore seeing women squirm and moan in pleasure.]

"… Excuse me?"

[The various Skills I possess have all sublimated into Erotic Skills to enhance a woman's charm. And the other day, I tried out a new Erotic Skill on the elder's daughter.]

"… … …"

The fuck? I don't get what happened at all. No, I do, but I just refuse to comprehend it.

[I had my eye on her for a long time. I'd decided that the elder's daughter would be the first one on whom I would use my new Erotic Skill. When the elder found out about it, my Erotic Skills and powers were sealed and I was banished to this world.]

"Isn't that totally your fault!?"

In other words, wanting to see that from the elder's daughter, this bird used its newly acquired Erotic Skill…! When it did, the elder banished it…! It totally deserved it…!

[Now, with the majority of my power sealed, the Erotic Skills I can still use are limited. It's frustrating… I spent so long sublimating numerous Skills into Erotic Skills…]

Is sublimating really the correct word to use there…?

W-Well, setting aside various questions, there was one I couldn't help but ask.

"… So, what sort of, uhh… what sort of Erotic Skills are you talking about here?"

[Hoh… human. Are you interested?]

"Don't call me human, I'm Kougou Touya. And yeah, I'm a guy. Of course I'd be interested…!"

Who wouldn't be interested in Erotic Skills from another world that could even make birds talk!? I mean, they're probably like magic or something, right…!?

[Hmm… Fine, I'll tell you. From basic sensitivity enhancement to forced arousal. The manifestation of pseudo-tentacles, vibrators, and restraints, to the temporary transparency of the abdomen during intercourse.]

Eh, could it be, Kyui-san. You're have basically all Cheats as far as Erotic Skills are concerned…!? I like your magic words, little bird!

[It appears you have potential, Touya. You seem to be able to empathize with the potential of my Erotic Skills.]

"… By the way, what's this about transparency of the abdomen?"

[As the name implies, it temporarily makes the abdomen of a woman transparent for the duration of intercourse. When you ejaculate, you can directly see the moment your semen flows into her womb.]

"Eh… sounds gross though?"

[Don't be foolish. I've made sure to use a fantasy filter so it's not gross at all.]

"Isn't it weird to be passionate about that?"

But that's what I want to see…! I've never done a creampie before…!

Being able to see my own penis pumping semen directly into a girl's uterus would satisfy my desires like crazy…!

"But that Erotic Skill was sealed?"

[Hmm. The only thing I can use right now is Kyui-Ease… Absolute Contraception.]

I see, with that, I'd be able to have all the raw, bareback creampie-exploding sex I could ever want with no risk at all…! Erotic Skills are amazing…!

And sorry, but I'm a dude. We were talking about Erotic Skills from another world… something so unbelievably erotic that I could never just ignore it.

My interest had firmly pivoted from being interested in something as trivial as talking bird to the holy-mother-of-shit Erotic Skills from another goddamned world.

"Uh… so. That Absolute Contraception Skill… could it be used on my sexual partners too…?"

[… Of course, that's certainly possible. If you become my contractor, that is…?]

"Eh…"

[Kukuku… Touya. Do you not wish to master my Erotic Skills…?]

Gulp…!

Of course I want to…! Isn't stuff like Sensitivity Doubling a fantasy for all men!?

I want to make women scream out in pleasure from my dick…!

"I… I want to…!"

[Indeed, you do have potential…! However, as I've stated, the majority of my power is sealed. Unfortunately.]

"I see…"

From Sensitivity Doubling to Forced Arousal…! And Pseudo-Tentacle play…! I gotta try it…!

[Nevertheless, it's possible for you to break my seal.]

"Eh…!?"

Having all but given up, I bit on the bait dangled before me.

I couldn't hide how interested I was, not even a tiny bit.

[You shall become my new contractor, weild that power, and accumulate Hero Points! In exchange for the accumulated points and some money, I shall unlock my Erotic Skills for you.]

"What's money have to do with anything!?"

I couldn't help but retort.

For that matter, what does it mean to wield power and accumulate Hero Points!? And don't take my money!

[The consumption of Hero Points is essential to unseal my power. And you, as my contractor, can only unseal my Erotic Skills by paying a psychological price… in other words, by paying money as well.]

"I still don't get what money has to do with anything even after listening to you…!"

Huh? Is it that it's necessary to pay a psychological price, in other words, to pay money, in order to properly fulfill the contract…!?

It also seemed that what actions were likely to accumulate Hero Points depended entirely on the contractee. In Kyui's case, for example—

"Being thanked by the people… especially women. And to cum inside a woman…!?"

[Correct. There are several other ways to earn points, but cumming inside a woman is one of the most efficient. Come, Touya! Form a contract with me and cum inside as many women as you can! Every time you display to me your ability to make women cum, I shall regain more of my power…!]

Wait, even being a womanizer's got its limits…! That's no ordinary womanizer! This bird's just a pervert who likes to see women moan in ecstacy…!

Fuck me but I can sympathize…!

"K—… Kyui, if I sign a contract with you, will I also be able to use those otherworldly Erotic Skills…!?"

[Yes. The number of Erotic Skills you are able to unseal will depend on your performance. I will even allow you to select which to unseal.]

"…! I've made up my mind, Kyui! I'll… sign a contract with you!"

And so I signed a contract on the spur of the moment without checking any of the terms and conditions despite my past as a salesman.

 

*

 

[With this, our contract is complete. However, as most of my power is currently sealed, I am unable to grant you the power of a hero despite being my contractor.]

"I don't care about that anyway."

[Kukuku… you are indeed my new contractor. All those who have contracted with me thus far have been serious individuals. Touya, I have high expectations of you.]

I've done it now…! I made a contract with a bird I just met and know next to nothing about…!

B-But now those Erotic Skills from another world are in my hands…!

"But what should I do now…"

[About what?]

"About the Hero Points and money. What should I do to be thanked by people? Besides, I'm basically broke. I was only making a little over minimum wage and I don't have much in savings. I just quit my job yesterday, too."

[Hmm… That's right. I've only just arrived in this world, so I don't know anything about it. Touya, you shall guide me through this world.]

"Haah…"

With that, I explained the situation to Kyui while holding my smartphone.

Kyui listened to me with great interest.

[Hoh… Cars and airplanes, huh…? It seems I've come to a world with a fairly advanced civilization.]

"Really? What are other worlds like?"

[In the two worlds I have saved with my contractors, people were fighting against intelligent lifeforms other than humans for world domination.]

"Heeeh…"

Seems like they were pretty bloody worlds.

Well, I guess heroes are only born in worlds like that.

"I guess I'll just have to be conscious of being thanked by people and get a part-time job for now…"

Although I still needed to look for a new job, I wasn't really in the mood for that yet. For now, I'd just have to get a part-time job.

Thinking that, I opened my contacts on my smartphone and called someone.

"… Ah, long time no see. Yes, hello. Um, actually…"

The person on the other end of the call was the owner of a certain bar. I had worked part-time there when I was in college.

Using that connection, I asked if I could work there for a while.

"…! Is that true!? Thank you very much! Yes, I can start today! I'll be there! Thank you very much!"

Hype…! I hung up the phone and turned to Kyui.

"Anyway, I'll go earn some money. I'll be working in the service industry for a while, so I'll try to be conscious of being thanked by people."

[… Is that device a magical tool that allows communication with those far away?]

"Magical tool? It's just a smartphone."

Heh, magical tool… Words like that that would shake the black beast I kept in my heart when I was in middle school…!

[Hmph… I too must familiarize myself with the common sense of this world…]

Kyui and I continued talking until noon. I crushed some more corn flakes and gave them to Kyui along with some water.

I poured some milk over my own corn flakes and started eating.

[This again…? How can you eat this livestock feed-like stuff with such gusto?]

"Hey!? That's rude! That's rude to the people who make corn flakes!"

It actually tastes good! Geez… What a spoiled bird…!

"Haah… Anyway, until I get a decent amount of money, we'll be living off corn flakes."

[What about meat? Meat.]

"I get it already! When I get my paycheck, I'll buy some cheap pork and give it to you!"

I'll have to buy twice as much food…! Well, not quite twice as much, but I'll have to buy food for Kyui from now on…!

Geh…! If I don't try out the Erotic Skills soon, it'll be a waste…!

[Money talks in every world, huh…? Well, it's necessary to unseal me. Very well, I shall think of something as well.]

"Think of something… to make money?"

[Obviously. For the time being, I want to know about this world. I don't need books… but is there anywhere I can peek at some documents?]

"Documents… you mean books, right? You can read as many as you want at the library."

[Hoh…! There's a library where you can just enter as you please…! As expected of a world with such advanced civilization…!]

The heck got Kyui into such a good mood?

I was planning on taking Kyui to the library after eating, but…

"They won't exactly let me bring a bird inside, huh…"

[That's your problem to solve.]

"You really make some rough demands for a bird…"

And so I put Kyui into a shoulder bag. I then got in my car and drove to the library.