The Disappointing Elf and a Lie Detector (1)

Over the next several days, I set about educating Shikina.

Specifically, I crammed her full of things you'd teach elementary schoolers in Japan, like arithmetic and reading. Then, once her brain was fried, I moved to morals lessons and drilled common-sense behavior into her.

The main subjects were modesty and not using vulgar language, which was admittedly quite different from Japanese morals class. But thanks to this training, Shikina has recently started to seem like a proper person.

… As an aside, Niku sat in on the morals lessons too.

It's just that taking classes alone would've been too pitiful for Shikina. It's not like I'm saying Niku has no sense of shame or anything. She's normally my body pillow, though. Rei and Nerune joined the arithmetic and reading classes too!

And then, on a certain day some time later.

"Kehma. Haven't you been paying attention to nothing but Shikina lately?"

It was that one remark from Rokuko that made me realize something was off.

"… Now that you mention it, yeah."

"So you prefer blatant lewdness like that elf after all?"

"No, that's not…"

It shouldn't be. Yeah, it shouldn't be, but…

It's true that I've been so preoccupied with Shikina that I feel like I haven't been sleeping as much.

No, it's not just a feeling. My daily sleep has definitely decreased by one to two hours.

"This is bad. At this rate, I'll die of sleep deprivation."

"You're sleeping eight hours a day including naps, aren't you? Honestly, the fact that you've been waking up early lately seems healthier to me."

"Waking up… early? Hold on. Are you telling me that I, I, have been waking up early…?"

"Yep. To look after that elf."

I was floored.

Me, someone who'd choose going back to sleep over three meals a day, waking up early? Something abnormal is happening.

Is it Shikina's doing? No, it has to be.

Did her blatant eroticism stimulate my libido, throw the balance of my three basic drives out of whack, and damage my sleep!?

"… Shikina is causing it?"

"I'd say if you're asking whether she's the cause, she probably is."

I need to get to the bottom of this…

 

＊ ＊ ＊

 

"Here I come!"

"… Bring it."

And somehow, it turned into a mock battle.

The old Shikina would have said something like "I'll answer any of Master's questions! My three sizes? I don't know, so please measure me! (strips)" but now she negotiated with "I'll answer if you can beat me in a duel!"

She's really grown. Still a pain, though.

So Shikina and I ended up alone together in the inn's backyard.

Niku and Setsuna wanted to watch, but I turned them down. I gave the excuse that I didn't want to reveal my cards, which is actually true.

My movements are all handled by the cloth golem, after all. If anyone noticed my moves are always identical, that'd be a problem. It'd be nothing but suspicious. I can live with Niku seeing, but I definitely don't want Setsuna watching.

By the way, Shikina was wearing easy-to-move-in clothes she got from Setsuna: a gym uniform and bloomers.

… A blonde elf in gym bloomers… how do I put this? I've never been to one, but it gave off a real costume play club vibe.

"Ah, one second."

"What is it?"

"If I win, no lessons tomorrow. Consider it a day off."

"What!? A day off!?"

"And if I win, I'll throw in an anpan as a bonus."

"Anpan!! … W-why isn't that for when I win!?"

Obviously, because it makes it easier for me to win.

By the way, out of all the sweet breads and savory rolls, anpan was Shikina's favorite.

She said the anko was soothing. But apparently, the ones with cream filling were a bit too rich for elven tastes.

"Plus, as agreed, you'll answer my questions."

"Mumumu, then if I win, I get to be Master Kehma's body pillow!"

"Denied. If you win, all you get is no day off and no anpan."

"How ruthless…! As expected of Master! Ah, but just because nobody's watching doesn't mean you can pretend this never happened, okay?"

"Relax, I keep my promises."

Shikina raised her wooden sword. Seeing that, I raised mine too… The rest was up to the cloth golem and golem supports.

And just like that, I instantly wrecked Shikina using Misha's movements. The movements of an A-Rank adventurer grappler.

The sword? Obviously just for show. I tossed it after blocking the first strike. Reproducing Misha's style is stronger.

"Fool! You think I'd use a sword just because I was holding one!? How naive!"

"I-I lost…"

That said, since I'm only mimicking Misha's movements, even the feints are pre-set. If I ever fought Setsuna a second time, I'd lose in a heartbeat. I should be able to manage a few more fights as long as I end them instantly like this, though.

… Fundamentally, I can only win by catching someone off guard the first time.

"So tomorrow's a day off, and I'll give you the anpan. Lucky you～"

"Uuu, I lost but I'm still happy about the day off and the anpan…!"

When I patted Shikina on the head, she broke into a delighted smile.

… Lately, with most of her awful behavior gone, she's actually pretty appealing.

"So, Master, what did you want to ask me? My three sizes? Then, from the top: eighty-"

"I let my guard down for one second! No. And you actually know your own sizes?"

"Of course! They're necessary when ordering armor."

Oh right, this girl burns through armor like nothing because of that sword.

"What I want to ask is… Shikina, what are you scheming?"

"Scheming…? I'm aiming for the position of Master's body pillow, but other than that, nothing at all!"

"That so? Then take a look at this."

As I said that, I took out a certain something.

It was a crystal ball a little too big to fit comfortably in my hand. It was clear right now, but it would glow red under certain conditions.

"This is… a lie-detection magic tool."

"Oh, you know about it?"

"I was a knight."

Yes, a lie-detection magic tool I got from the catalog for 50,000 DP.

By the way, every time it glows red, you have to replenish it with a magic stone worth 50 DP. A quietly expensive lie detector.

That said, it's no issue with our current income. At least not for questioning Shikina.

"Don't lie. If you lie, no anpan."

"What!? How heartless!"

"Obviously. If you break your promise to answer honestly, that much is only fair… if anything, I'm being lenient."

"Mumumu… So, Master, what do you plan to ask with such an exaggerated magic tool!? Even if you ask who my first time was with, I haven't had one yet, so I can't answer!"

"The second I let my guard down… never mind."

I pushed a magic stone into the tool. Watching the stone get sucked in with a pop despite the ball feeling like solid crystal to the touch was a strange sensation.

"… Well, let's confirm a few things first. Shikina, are you a man or a woman?"

"I am a woman."

The crystal ball didn't glow. Yeah, I already knew that. By the way, the tricky part of this tool is that it can't detect anything the person genuinely believes to be true.

For instance, if Shikina's body were male but she considered herself female, it wouldn't have lit up.

"Do you hold any ill will towards me?"

"Of course not… Please don't ask me something so sad."

No glow there either. Her having no ill will is a good thing.

But Shikina looked crestfallen.

"… Sorry, but this is necessary."

"The crystal ball didn't glow, so that means I'm telling the truth. Understood! I will answer honestly, so please ask away!"

By the way, the ball would also glow if I said something false right now. Its effective range is five meters. You can roughly tell who's lying based on which direction the glow is brighter.

"Did someone order you to come here?"

"Yes! My father also told me to learn underhandedness from Master Kehma."

The ball still didn't glow, but hold on. Father "also"?

"Did anyone else give you orders?"

"The Commander of the First Chivalric Order, Sally-sama, also told me to go learn from Master Kehma! She said I could return to the order once I've properly learned!"

… Ah. Now that's suspicious.