Dungeon Clear: Escape Complete

Behind us, the dungeon's entrance crumbled and caved in.

"Phew… we made it out of the dungeon safely."

"Mm. Good work, both of you."

"Yes, indeed."

"I was just passing through, but with this, Narikin's trial is safely cleared too."

"Quite. Whew, that was cutting it close."

"Yes, indeed."

Still slung over Narikin's back, the Saintess answered while shooting me a flat-eyed stare.

"Fufufu, are you really that bitter about having your 'deemed married' plan sabotaged?"

"Eh?"

"Hm?"

"Nothing like that matters. I want to piggyback Kyou-sama myself!"

"Th-that doesn't matter!?"

I came all the way here just to sabotage that, you know!?

"The Saintess-sama and Kyou-sama, huh… I'm into it"

"Glad to see the wife-and-wife are getting along"

"Precious…"

"…Ah, um. Go ahead? I suppose?"

"Oi, Narikin. We're already out of the dungeon, so just put me down, would you?"

"Now, now. Even on the way back, please let me carry you, Kyou-sama."

"I'd like to refuse. It's not as though we're becoming a deemed-married couple or anything."

"Ufufu."

The Saintess smiled, looking happy as could be.

"…What? That's a smile with something behind it."

"Oh my. After all, a dungeon clear isn't over until we get home from here, you see? The First Saintess said so herself: 'A dungeon clear isn't over until you're home.'"

I see, that does sound like something Leona would say.

"…Hm? Wait a moment. Until we get back from here?"

"Oops. It just slipped out."

"Y-you mean the 'deemed married' status isn't over yet…!?"

"Fufu, exactly so. And it'll take at least a full day from here to get home — to Kuromaku, that is, won't it?"

"Wh-wh-wha—"

What an outrageous thing.

"There's no way…! A dungeon clear isn't done until you're home!?"

"Yes. That's right. That's right, Kyou-sama."

"Good grief… so unless I get back to base right now, we end up as 'deemed married'!?"

"Yes. The future where we become a married couple is unshakeable — that's what it means!"

What an outrageous thing.

So that was why Saintess Alka was already wearing the calm look of certain victory. I let myself slide down off Narikin's back and crumpled to the ground.

"Ngh, this is unbelievable, the shock's gone to my legs. But it can't be helped. Alka, would you piggyback me?"

"Yes, please leave it to me, Kyou-sama."

And so Saintess Alka shouldered me — and I was carried on her back.

Right in front of my eyes was the back of Alka's head, her green hair. I gripped that head from both sides.

Wide open, isn't she.

"Good work. Judgment Ray."

"Eh,"

Paaan! I blew the Saintess's head clean off.

Point-blank range. Not horizontal at zero degrees, but [Elemental Burst] at zero centimeters.

The off-guard Saintess Alka became a headless corpse, pitched forward, and ended up sprawled beneath me.

For better or worse, the cross-section had been cauterized, so no blood gushed out.

"Eh!?"

"Kyaaaaah!? Her head, her head's—"

"K-Kyou-sama, the, the Saintess-sama!? M-murderer!?"

"Settle down, all of you. The target's the Saintess. I just sent her on ahead, that's all."

"Ah. Now that you mention it, Alka-dono comes back to life even after dying, doesn't she."

"That's right. At the Saintess's base."

Unless I got back to base right now.

So all I had to do was have her get back to base right now. That was the whole point.

She'd anticipated as much, obviously, so while playing it up, I made sure to get her to clearly confirm that the dungeon clear was done, and that returning home would end it.

A bit too obviously theatrical, I worried, but it apparently passed muster surprisingly well.

"There, the Saintess's corpse turned to light and vanished, see? Clothes and all. That's proof she returned to her base and revived. My apologies for showing you such a shocking scene."

"Mm. The dungeon clear itself is already finished, so having Alka-dono head back early to make the report is the more efficient route. As expected of Kyou-dono."

"Eh, ah, th-then what about the Saintess-sama?"

"Right about now, she's coming back to life over in Kuromaku. Now, there's no need to worry, everyone. Saintess Alka is, after all, the 'Saintess' of whom our Church of the Light God is so proud. Right?"

When Narikin said it with the breezy smile he always wore on stream, as if nothing at all had happened, the viewers gradually settled down.

"…Well, if someone of Narikin-sama's caliber says so."

"That gave me a fright… I thought Kyou-sama had slain the Saintess-sama out of love."

"Choosing any means to her ends… strong and scary!"

"And with that, the 'deemed married' status is confirmed as not established… right? The Saintess returned to her base. A dungeon clear isn't done until you're home. Once she's home, it's over, at least as far as the Saintess's dungeon clear goes!"

"Just barely didn't go through, eh."

"Ah! You're right!?"

"What's wrong with you, only noticing now?"

"W-well, the Saintess-sama's head suddenly went flying, I was so shocked I couldn't think of anything…"

"So Kyou-sama sent the Saintess-sama back so she alone could be the one to end up married."

"Love… isn't it."

"No, I'm not becoming a married couple with Narikin, you know? Or rather… right, let me drive the point home. I'm disguised, but I'm a man."

"Ahh, [T-A], got it."

"Now that you mention it, there was a time when people would match genders to avoid the deemed-married rule."

"Hm? Then why did you come join up as a woman? Was it really because you wanted to marry Narikin-sama?"

H-huh? That's a bit of an unexpected reaction…

I figured they'd be more, you know, surprised or in denial…?

"Kyou-dono. Sex-change potions are fairly common magical medicines in the Holy Kingdom, you know?"

"Hah!? Now that you mention it, that's right!"

There was that story about a female adventurer who bounced back and forth between sexes, come to think of it!

Or rather, if that's how it is… someone just now did say something about matching genders, didn't they…

"Wait, was the answer all along just to make the Saintess drink [T-A] and turn her into a man, and the 'deemed married' problem would've been solved!?"

"Ahh. Or you could have drunk it and become a woman, alternatively. Goodness… I hadn't noticed."

"Lessons like these are exactly why I think this stream ought to be preserved for posterity!"

"Please do another stream, I'm begging you!"

"So basically the Saintess-sama, she died for nothing?"

…Well, let's just say it doubled as a sanction against Saintess Alka! Yosh!