If I told the whole truth, the king would cry

Now then.

Setting aside the dwarven nation of Tessin where preparations for the return ceremony were underway, let's talk about the fake Breaching Wall Hammer that was stolen by Phantom Thief Hermes.

I received a message from Granny Maria, the former lord's wife of Véraldo, saying she'd recovered the Divine Artifact and wanted me to come pick it up. Apparently there had been some complications during the process.

… Yeah. About that. One of those complications, the mysterious man chasing after the Divine Artifact? That was me.

Anyway, I sent a letter ahead to give her a heads up, then headed to Véraldo.

Since I've got a Post set up there, I can get there right away. Pretty convenient.

"Granny Mariaaa, you there?"

"I've been waiting, Kari-chan. Haah, this has turned into quite the headache."

When I entered the room, tea had already been prepared.

Granny Maria was the host, wearing a modest housedress. The fabric was embroidered generously with thread in matching colors, giving it an elegant look that immediately screamed nobility.

Well, the way she was beckoning me over with one elbow propped on the table was pretty casual though.

The older maid I'd befriended at the baths pulled out a chair for me, so I gave a quick "Thanks" and sat down.

"Sorry about this. I've been busy with stuff in Tessin too."

"The return ceremony you mentioned in your letter, right? Well, let's you and I figure out a way to smooth things over."

After I'd briefly explained the situation in my letter, we agreed to look for a way to wrap things up neatly.

The king has his own reputation and circumstances to consider, after all. Going to such a sketchy place in person must have taken real resolve on his part.

And all of that was because of my screw-up from not communicating properly… On top of that, what he got was a fake?

If I told him the whole truth, the king would cry. And he seems like such a good person too.

"Oh, should Mie-chan sit in on this too? Want me to call her?"

"… Hold on. Who's this Mie-chan?"

"Um… she's a dwarf. What was her real name again… Oh well, the Queen?"

"You mean Lady Vermilion!? Don't mess with me, that's way too disrespectful!"

Granny Maria's teacup clinked softly as she flinched in surprise.

How elegant. If it were me, I'd have spit out my tea.

"Well, you know how we met in the bath, Granny Maria? Same thing happened with her. Didn't know who she was, but she ended up as my local wife. So if I call her, she'll come right over. Don't worry, she's a good kid."

"Please stop, my stomach can't take it. Local wife? What did you even… no, never mind, don't tell me. Ugh, I'm getting dizzy."

Granny Maria pressed her hand to her forehead as she said this.

Sorry about that. No really, I do feel bad. A little.

"Well, she said to leave everything to me, so it should be fine."

"Hey, that makes you a plenipotentiary ambassador. That's a huge responsibility…"

Anyway, we shared the situation again.

That the Divine Artifact Return Ceremony would be held next weekend. That the real one was in Tessin and we had Hermes steal the fake. That Mie-chan was cute. That Dea-kun was an angel. And that I'd started keeping a dragon and a slime. Though the second half was mostly just chatting.

"… Just when I think nothing can surprise me anymore, you keep pulling out more."

"Ahaha, every day's an adventure. Gotta thank the Goddess, right?"

During our chat, Granny Maria mentioned that Dea-kun's older sister, Kumin-san, had been dealing with some troubles. Come to think of it, I'm still holding onto her luggage.

I sipped my tea and munched on the biscuits served alongside it.

A gentle sweetness spread through my mouth. Yummy… I kinda want to eat these with cheese sandwiched between them.

"About the fake Divine Artifact, it would help if Healer could accept it under the pretense that it's real. I'd also like to keep this quiet and not make it public. The fact that the king had it stolen is a problem too."

"Then I'll go in my Healer getup. Oh, and the mysterious man chasing the Divine Artifact? That was my disguise."

"I knew it."

Huh. I thought it was a perfect disguise, but Granny Maria figured it out just from hearing about it.

"I knew as soon as I got your letter. Besides, I don't know anyone else who can perfectly slip past the royal guards to come and go from rooms as they please while still being a bit of a klutz."

"Heh, so my being too amazing was the giveaway?"

"His Majesty said he couldn't figure out what you came to do in the end."

Yeah, I was actually planning to retrieve it right then and there, but I totally forgot. Sorry.

"Also, apparently you said 'stealing is wrong'? His Majesty has been quite worried about it. He's wondering if perhaps that was a divine messenger, and whether divine punishment might fall upon him."

"Yep, I said it. Definitely said it."

I remember it well because I said it while conveniently ignoring my own actions.

"Could you say something like 'As a reward, I'll pardon you just this once' when you accept the Divine Artifact? I'll give you something in return, Kari-chan."

"Sure, no problem. Oh, then can you wrap up some of these tea snacks for me? Everyone would love the biscuits. It'd be great if you had cheese too. Sandwiched together, they'd go great with drinks, so Mie-chan and the others would be happy."

"… Geez, you're such a softie. I'll give you a whole tin of fresh ones. Take as many as you like."

Ooh, how generous! As expected of the former lord's wife! Thanks!

Man, looks like everything's going to work out nicely. Way to go, Granny Maria.